Aside from the consumerism that has morphed into the “holiday” that is Valentine’s Day one must separate the romanticism from a meaning that can be found in the day. Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to express your appreciation for a person, or persons. First and foremost, the relationship can be of any sustenance. It can be a friend, a lover, a relative, a spouse; the titles are limitless. Valentine’s Day should be seen as an opportunity to remind someone why he or she are in your life, and what they mean to you. This does not mean an extravagant gift by any means! If anything a material gift can detract from the truth being communicated. Take the time to write a card, a poem, a letter, a note, a package to someone you care about.
If you are struggling to channel your romantic spirit and need to say something sweet to someone you love, may I make the humble suggestion of Pablo Neruda’s Love Poems, or ee. cummings, or Sylvia Plath’s Love Letter, which is a personal favourite of mine:
Not easy to state the change you made.
If I’m alive now, then I was dead,
Though, like a stone, unbothered by it,
Staying put according to habit.
You didn’t just tow me an inch, no–
Nor leave me to set my small bald eye
Skyward again, without hope, of course,
Of apprehending blueness, or stars.
That wasn’t it. I slept, say: a snake
Masked among black rocks as a black rock
In the white hiatus of winter–
Like my neighbors, taking no pleasure
In the million perfectly-chisled
Cheeks alighting each moment to melt
My cheeks of basalt. They turned to tears,
Angels weeping over dull natures,
But didn’t convince me. Those tears froze.
Each dead head had a visor of ice.
And I slept on like a bent finger.
The first thing I was was sheer air
And the locked drops rising in dew
Limpid as spirits. Many stones lay
Dense and expressionless round about.
I didn’t know what to make of it.
I shone, mice-scaled, and unfolded
To pour myself out like a fluid
Among bird feet and the stems of plants.
I wasn’t fooled. I knew you at once.
Tree and stone glittered, without shadows.
My finger-length grew lucent as glass.
I started to bud like a March twig:
An arm and a leg, and arm, a leg.
From stone to cloud, so I ascended.
Now I resemble a sort of god
Floating through the air in my soul-shift
Pure as a pane of ice. It’s a gift.
Do you ever wonder what someone thinks of you? I think a lot of you would be shocked to find out most people are thinking very positive thoughts about you. There are traits in any single person that ought to be admired, adored, and are all inspiring. The courageous are those waking up. Every day is a day to kick ass, and today, simply by being here, by reading this, is a tribute to your courage. Courage is a funny thing, hiding in the strangest places, and always there. It just takes a certain amount of curiosity or necessity to find it.
Some days turn into a joke by the evening. The day itself became a competition of how many people you can offend by early afternoon. This is the nature of life. Some days are meant to offend, and other days are meant to inadvertently offend. The cure to this is drinking a hot cup of tea and listening to Brazilian folk music. The way that the night turns out is in your hands, and you have the ability to change it. Most of the time though, you may be better off taking a shower and going to sleep. Tomorrow’s another day, Scarlett.
The human condition mandates that at least once in your life, your heart will be broken. This happens sometimes, if you are lucky, at an early age, with a material object that you weren’t allowed to bring home with you…yes mom, I mean that doll I really wanted back when I was six. Thigh slapping jokes aside, heartbreak is real, and some of us are rather unfortunate to experience the real beating up of our hearts. Whether you are coming from a separation, a break up, a divorce, or a rift in your relationship you deserve to know you are the most important person you need to love, and being kind to yourself during a tough time can ultimately lead to not only your glamorous survival, but also your healing and self fulfillment.
This is a letter composed to YOU: alterations may need to be made to fit your specific situation, but the truth remains the same; you are going to be okay without a partner.
I know that this is going to be difficult for you. You have spent the last portion of time completely dependent on one person. It made life very easy. Although I really love Zeus*, the opportunity to grow and develop as a person in the next few years is vital for you to do. Even in your most lonely of hours, remember that what you are doing has a purpose. You need to mature and live positively in order to reach the level of life you want. You have the ability to be a strong, intelligent, and independent person. You cannot be in a relationship that is this serious if that is your ultimate goal. You are not ready for someone to rely completely on you, nor are you ready to completely rely upon another.
You are okay! You will be Okay. Remember, the grass on this side was not always green, and the grass on the other side was not always green too. However, the lessons you learn from this relationship are important:
Take your time with things
Think twice about your decisions
Your family is very important
Never rely on someone else for financial support
Be honest and open in your relationships
Do not fight with anyone to sabotage something
Open your heart to the world
It is okay to fall in love, but stay true to yourself
Embrace what you believe in
Education is important
Opportunity is everywhere
Don’t forget to keep calm and carry on
It is always blue behind the clouds
Never allow someone to take your power
It is far better to be alone and really look at the world and yourself, than it is to be with someone who is not right
Intensity can be bad
Fight urges to rebel against your ideals
Learn to Love You more than anyone else
Learn to be peaceful Entirely Alone
*Zeus screwed over everyone; I like to think any ex is really just Zeus coming down from Mount Olympus.
“I thought about you the whole time, I promise”
We started this soiree back in April of 2012 when Lena Dunham first introduced Girls to the public. Spooning on a 1970’s era felt couch I never experienced being more at home than those days with Naomi. We had known each other for years, but we didn’t really know each other until we started watching Girls. It became a routine of spoon-feeding each other freshly baked Funfetti cake, giggling, crying, and spooning on Sunday nights. We were new roommates, and Girls brought an exciting dimension to our relationship.
But things change. People change. People have to move on. Episodes turn into a season, and a season turns into seasons. My beloved Nay left Chicago for the West, just as people had to watch loved ones leave on the Oregon Trail for new horizons, I watched Nay settle in LA. I moved too. Settling in Poland from our little nest in Chi Town. Things Change.
I made a promise to myself, no matter where I ended up, with whoever I would end up with, Girls would remain a Naomi and Rose endeavor. Watching Girls on that felt covered couch instilled a tradition I wanted to last a lifetime. I vowed that when the third season came out, I would find a way to make it to another couch, to Naomi’s couch, to watch the season just like we did before life happened.
I made it three weeks into the third season of ignoring reviews, ignoring blog posts, ignoring conversations and tweets relevant to the phenomena. But damnit, I was not strong enough. Late in the night, nearing the blinking hours of early morn, I succumbed. I broke down. I heard Jenna was in rehab and I needed to know and I needed to know then. I don’t have any excuses, I do, however have deeply haunting guilt. HBO GO soothed my anxieties, calming me into a few clicks until the brilliant Dunham creation splashed across the screen.
Naomi, I thought of you the entire time.
When I laughed, knots twisted in my intestines. When my eyes became heavy with wet salty tears, a wispy ghost squeezed my hand to calm me. Naomi, I felt you there. Around 4 AM I broke down. Pausing the show was one of the hardest things I did in those two hours, but I managed to do it. Shamefully, I sent the text “Hey! Are you watching Girls?” In my heart, I knew she probably was, nestled into some other person’s couch. Laughing and crying, just like we once had.
She didn’t text me back.
I heard through a third party source, her boyfriend, my brother, that Nay was watching Girls. But Nay and I, even when apart feel the eternal stronghold Girls has on relationships: she watched it alone, just like me in the depths of that guilt stricken evening. I told my brother to pass through the grapevines that I had thought about her, the whole time.
I like to think she thought about me too.
Now, I don’t know if I will watch the next episode coming this Sunday. But the likelihood is high. The Girls pheromone transmits at a frequency too high for anyone of sane mind to deny. All I know, is that I’m gonna call that girl, Naomi, and ask her to maybe Skype me. So despite the physical distance separating us, we can still be together, nearly back snugging on that felt couch like all those years ago.
We can do this.